October 24, 2021 - "The Forms Domestic Violence Can Take"

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  In support of this annual observance I am presenting in this column some material developed under the guidance of the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. Catholic Charities Domestic Violence Priest Advisory Committee, of which I am a member.  One message that our committee wants to communicate is this: You Don’t Deserve to be Abused!
 
Domestic violence can take different forms, but its purpose is always the same: Abusers want to control their domestic partners through fear. They do this by abusing them physically, sexually, psychologically, verbally, and economically. Here are seven of the forms domestic violence can take:
 
Isolation:
Making it hard for the victim to see friends and relatives;
Monitoring phone calls;
Reading mail;
Controlling where the victim goes;
Taking the victim’s car keys;
Destroying the victim’s passport.
 
Coercion:
Making the victim feel guilty;
Sulking;
Manipulating children & other family members;
Always insisting on being right;
Making up impossible “rules” and punishing the victim for breaking them.
 
Threats and Intimidation:
Threatening to harm the victim, the children, family members, and pets;
Using physical size to intimidate;
Keeping weapons and threatening to use them;
Shouting.
 
Emotional Withholding:
Not expressing feelings;
Not giving compliments;
Not paying attention;
Not respecting the victim’s feelings, rights, and opinions;
Not taking the victim’s concerns seriously.
 
Destruction of Property:
Destroying furniture;
Punching walls;
Throwing or breaking things;
Abusing pets.
 
Harassment:
Following or stalking;
Embarrassing the victim in public;
Constantly checking up on the victim;
Refusing to leave, when asked.

Economic Control:
Not paying bills;
Refusing to give the victim money;
Not letting the victim work;
Interfering with the victim’s job;
Prohibiting the victim from going to school;
Not allowing the victim to learn a job skill;
Refusing to work and support the family.
 
If you experience any form of abuse, please know that there is help. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1 (800) 799-7233. To learn more about domestic violence visit:
www.catholiccharitiesdc.org/familypeace
 
Until next week,
 
Fr. John